You are crazy, Amerika
Thursday, July 1st, 2010
I once snapped at a “global” strategic planner based in Texas (right?!) for being ignorant and causing me to work 30 hours over a weekend to re-work his deck for a serious client workshop in Beijing, China. He got defensive and I needed a facial (therefore got annoyed). He didn’t even have a passport. His Scottish boss came to his defence: “Call them ignorant. But, at the end of the day, we all want green cards to this country”.
He shut me up. He did.
He annoyed me good. And he wins.
Coz he made me think. Think that it is so damn true. (the green card)
I like it when you make me think.
Seattle has been hosting me for 9 months now. While learning how to love the city, I once in a while pull out my little black 10’ x 10’ notebook and scribble the nonsensical, the ugly, the charming and the outstanding.
Here is my list thus far:
1. You have to say “how are you” 20 times a day or else they would assume your mother died as you are too quiet.
2. I wish Farenheit was never born.
3. Headed for the changing rooms at a department store to discover that they are locked. Decided never to know the reason. Don’t tell me.
4. Changing gears with your right hand might be cool but this also means it’s your left hand now on the steering wheel. Bad idea.
5. People are so darn driven and dynamic, compared to most Europeans. It makes me feel I’m on the winning team. We like.
6. I still walk up to the wrong side of the car to get in. Especially after a few drinks. I need to drink more.
7. They respect your personal time, 5pm and the office gets taken over by the ghosts.
8. Bathroom, bathroom, NOT toilet, Magda! Bill, I mean check, please. Open the boot, please. What? Oh, oh, you mean the trunk. How do
you spell your last name? Z= zed. What ? Oh, sorry “zee”. I’m a slow learner.
9. Tipping my wages away, passing a judgement on each server to justify a tip. Not like.
10. Maid coming 2 times… a month! Having to learn how to use a dishwasher, I never owned one.. (till age 37).
11. My credit score is one of a 18-year-old. I get $500 limit on my card. I’m embarrassed to pull it out.
12. London has Vivienne Westwood, Paris has Chanel, Seattle has North Face. Even on a Saturday night.
13. Fillers, fillers, fillers everywhere. Ahhhmmmm. It’s a little lazy way of talking, no?
14. Independent radio stations (KEXP here) makes me feel international all over again.
15. Most commercial radio stations have appalling ads with the same voice talent and the USP (unique sales proposition) repeated 5 times in 20 seconds. Who are these agency people?
16. Hippies here are cool with making money. At least my food coop is. I’ll have an organic champagne to that!
17. Everybody is self-medicating and so many are on anti-depressants. I’m depressed to see that.
18. An average Joe eats unbelievably badly and wonders why she does not look like Angelina Jolie.
19. Do not raise your hand to get service at a restaurant. Nonsense.
20. People really drink Coke for breakfast. It’s the pinnacle of marketing skills on Coke’s side. Given.
21. Oprah is on every night at 9pm, now I need my Shanghai husband here to fully appreciate it.
22. Blokes in Seattle: 33.3% play in bands, 33.3% work for Bill (or Steve now), 33.3% would jump off anything.
23. Being positive (even if it means prozac) is America’s religion. God bless Amerika.